


Something Nobody Else Knows

by deanisbiandsoami



Series: Why? JUst why did I come up with this? [24]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A considerable amount of angst, All the bad stuff is ONLY MENTIONED and in the past, Alternate Universe - No supernatural, Angst, As always I AM TERRIBLY SORRY, Bit o' Fluff too, CW: Rape, Child Abuse, Established Relationship, Fights, Foster Care, Happy Ending, Hurt Dean, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, It's been a while since I last read this..., It's still potentially triggering!!! So please be careful, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mature rating is for the rape I don't think there's much sexy times here, Meeting the Parents, NON EXPLICIT RAPE!!!, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape, RAPE IS NOT DESTIEL, Rich Castiel, background Jess/Sam - Freeform, well I say ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6291760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanisbiandsoami/pseuds/deanisbiandsoami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is all you need; <br/>but what about knowing each other's pasts and families and fears and...</p><p>Dean has some difficulty hiding his truly hideous past... but does he have to hide it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Nobody Else Knows

**Author's Note:**

> I am so terribly sorry for missing out of publishing the past month... I was stressed by finals week.   
> This one came to me while watching Megamind actually... I don't know how a kid's movie birthed this but here you go...  
> I think the distances and the timeline doesn't quite line up, sorry for that and in true fashion it doesn't have a real ending either... but it's not really done... I have some more heart breaking ideas in store for my poor Dean. (I really don't know why I keep hurting my favourite character of all time)
> 
> Anyway, please do enjoy, it's lovely to finally be done with exams!!!

"Come on, Dean!" Castiel whined. "Don't you think it's ridiculous that we know so little about each other?" He continued, resting his head on Dean's chest, hearing his lover's heart beat and feeling his warm skin.

"We know a lot about each other." Dean said, looking up at the ceiling of Castiel's dorm room. 

"We have been in a relationship for over two years and I have never seen your home, your brother or your parents." Castiel pointed out. "The only thing I know is that you were born in Kansas and have an uncle in South Dakota. Dean I wanna really know you. I want to be able to tell people more about my boyfriend than student at MIT and blindingly beautiful." Dean just sighed. 

"Then tell them I'm funny or whatever. Cas you know who I am…" He answered. Castiel propped himself up on his elbows. 

"Look at me." He said. Dean looked away from the ceiling to meet Castiel's blue eyes. "I love you, Dean. I want to know everything about you. So please tell me, tell me at least one thing no one else knows about you." Dean moved one hand to Castiel's face. 

"I love you too, Cas, but I can't." He answered. 

"Why?" 

"If I do you'll either run for the hills or never look at me the same again and I can't take that. I'm scared of that." Dean admitted. Castiel laid his head back down on his chest. 

"I promise you, Dean, I will never run for the hills." He said quietly. "I will stay with you forever." 

\-------

"For God's sake! What is wrong with you?!" Castiel yelled as they were outside. Dean and Castiel were at the Novak's mansion for dinner for the first time. "Why do you keep shutting everyone out! It's like you're trying to get my whole family to hate you!" Dean clenched his jaw. 

"I've told you before why I don't like talking about myself." Dean just said.   
"Yeah, well, I didn't like explaining to them over and over again that being gay didn't make me any less capable to be a lawyer or a son! We all have to do stuff we don't want to do! But I guess you don't know how it feels to be treated like an alien by your own mother." Castiel said. Dean licked his lips. 

"You have no right to say that." Dean said quietly, his voice trembling.

"Yes I do. Damn it, Dean, I fought so hard to make them accept me. I don't want to fight for them to like the man I love." 

"Well, for someone who loves me you sure as fuck are having a hard time accepting me." Dean said, taking a step back and crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

"Don't be ridiculous." Castiel scoffed. 

"Ridiculous?! Cas, you were just shouting at me for not talking about myself which is kind of a big part of who I am that you're not accepting." Dean said. 

"Because you won't explain it properly to me! What could possibly be so bad that it leads to you with the most amazing relationship with your brother in a well renowned college doing what you love?!" Castiel called. 

"You are so… rich." Dean said. "That is so typical. Just assume life is a piece of goddamn cake just because the only obstacle thrown in your way was that you just so happen to love a train wreck of a man!"

"What are you talking about?! You're not an obstacle and my life certainly wasn't a piece of cake." Castiel said. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you thrown into lockers because you were too good in school? Did you have to study so much to get into a college your parents bought a goddamn library for?!" Dean called. "I didn't know, Cas. How horrible it must've been for little rich Castiel with both his parents and several siblings watching out for him." 

"You're being an asshole." Castiel said. Dean laughed. 

"Maybe I am. Maybe you don't know me after all." He scoffed. "I kind of expected more from a Harvard Student."   
"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"I told you I was scared you'd run away screaming if you ever heard about my past… how the fuck would you draw the conclusion that my life was perfect family who accepted me in everything?" 

"Just the way you talk about your brother…" Castiel started. "Because you have such a close relationship I just assumed it was like that with your parents too." 

"Yeah, you assumed." Dean mumbled. "Thing is, you're wrong, Cas." Dean shook his head. "So fucking wrong." 

"Then tell me and maybe I can understand." Castiel pleaded. "Dean, please, I just want to know." 

"No you don't." Dean said. Castiel just kept nodding. 

"I promise you I will not see you any different." Castiel said, grabbing Dean's hand. Dean just stared at him for a few moments. 

"My mother died when I was four." Dean said, taking a deep breath. "And my Dad- well it was actually better when he was passed out drunk and not able to-" Dean broke off. "Sammy and me were turned into foster care two years later, I don't even know if my dad's still alive and I don't care either. Bobby is the last foster dad I had… the last of eleven." 

"Dean, I am so sorry." Castiel said. "If I'd known…" 

"Then you would've pitied me for a long time. And I can't stand pity." Dean said. 

"I love you, Dean, and I am sorry you had to live all that but I am amazed that you could get through it and still come out the way you are… perfect, beautiful and smarter than my whole family." Castiel said. Dean smiled softly. 

"I'm not perfect." Dean argued. Castiel stretched to kiss his lips. 

"You are to me." He said as he pulled back.

"Okay." Dean said. "Let's go back inside and I'll try harder to get your family to like me." 

"Good luck with that, my amazingly gay boyfriend." Castiel mumbled and Dean chuckled, kissing Cas' forehead. 

"Bisexual and awesome. Boyfriend I agree with." He said. 

"Good." 

 

"Your family is not as bad as you make them sound." Dean said that evening when they were driving back home. Dean put a hand to Castiel's knee. "Sure, they're a bit uptight but I can get used to that." Castiel took his hand, locking their fingers.

"Great… I have a feeling you're gonna have to." Castiel said. 

"Why's that?" Dean asked, glancing over at his lover for a moment. Castiel bit his lip and lifted Dean's hand to his lips. 

"Because I would very much like to spend the rest of my life with you. And they like you." Castiel said, seeing Dean smile.

"I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you too, Cas." Dean answered. 

"Would you marry me?" Castiel asked. Dean chuckled.   
"Maybe you shouldn't've had that last glass of wine." He said. Castiel bit his lip and looked down at his lap. 

"I was serious, Dean, and I'm not drunk." He said. Dean glanced over at Castiel seeing him blush and… hurt? Dean pulled over and turned to Cas.

"You really are serious?" Dean asked. Castiel nodded without looking at him. Dean sighed and raised his hand to turn Castiel's face gently. "Baby, there's still so much that you don't know about me… about what kind of demons I carry around. How broken I am… Cas I want you to be with someone who can give you everything you ever wanted." 

"All I want is to be with you. I don't care what comes with it. I just want to hold you. You are everything I could ever want." Castiel said. "I don't know what you are not ready to tell me but I know that it will never change how much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Dean Winchester. So will you marry me?" Castiel asked again. Dean smiled at him. 

"Yes." He breathed, leaning in to kiss Castiel.

 

"Why are you still here? Didn't you say you had somewhere important to be this weekend?" Castiel asked as Dean told him to get dressed and pack an over-night bag. 

"Yeah, and I'm taking my fiancé." Dean said, grabbing Castiel's hands and pulling him against his chest. "As much as I would like to stay in bed with you right now, I can't cancel and I am not ready to be more than 24 hours away from you right now." Dean said. 

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked. Dean just kissed him.

"That's a surprise. Wear something comfy for the drive put pack something medium fancy." Dean said. Castiel just nodded. He'd learned to just accept anything when Dean got into a rare romantic mood and surprise weekend trips definitely sounded romantic.

 

"Cas… we're here." Dean said, poking his sleeping lover. Castiel jerked awake, looking over at Dean.

"What time is it?" He asked. 

"Roughly five pm." Dean said. Castiel frowned. "We drove for eight hours? And I slept through all of it?" 

"Guess I just wore you out last night." Dean grinned, opening his car door. "Engagement sex is amazing." Castiel chuckled. 

"Well yeah. Where are we?" Castiel asked, looking around and seeing nothing but broken down cars. 

"Sioux Falls, South Dakota." Dean said. "We're having a family reunion because it's the anniversary of the day me and Sammy came to Bobby." He explained. 

"I'm gonna meet your family?" Castiel asked. Dean nodded. 

"Yeah and don't be shy, they accept me and they know I have a long term boyfriend." Dean said. Castiel nodded and walked up to Dean's side as the blonde started to navigate through the cars. Castiel took his hand, leaning into him a bit. 

"Bobby's where I got my obsession with classic cars, although I've always loved them." Dean explained. "I started looking at all the cars, making a game out of it with Sam… who could guess the most models. I built baby up using mostly the parts I found around here." 

"That's amazing Dean." Castiel said. Dean smiled at him. "I can barely do an oil change." 

"You'll never have to again. That's what I'm for." Dean said. 

 

"So we finally get to meet the boyfriend?" They looked up to see a gruff looking man with a pretty roughed up cap looking down at them from the porch. Dean smiled at him, walking up the stairs to pull the old man into a bear hug Castiel knew were ribs cracking and lung squeezing. He saw the old man's face light up with a million watt smile. 

"Hey Bobby, been a long time." Dean said and let go. 

"Your own fault for moving so far away idjit." The man said. "Could've done wonders to the cars around here with them hands." Dean just shrugged. "Ya know I'm proud of ya. Now, who's the handsome fellow." 

"That's Cas." Dean said grabbing Castiel's wrist and pulling him closer. "Castiel Novak… my fiancé." Dean said. Bobby looked pleasantly surprised but also a bit suspicious as he gave Castiel a once over.

"Please to meet ya." Bobby said. "Any man who gets this boy to glow with happiness is welcome in my house." He said, holding out his hand. Castiel shook it. 

"I am very pleased to meet you too." Castiel said. 

"Just know that if ya break my boy's heart I will end you." Bobby said. Castiel went a bit pale. 

"No need to worry." Dean said. "This one I'm gonna hold on to with everything I have." He added, taking Castiel's hand that Bobby had squeezed practically every drop of blood out of. Bobby nodded and led them into the house. It was filled with books of all kind and size and age. The living room had a squishy couch and an even squishier arm chair and it looked like all the books had just been pushed to the sides of the room to allow someone to sit on the couch and chair. It looked like a room that held life and memories and not a museum like the sitting rooms in Castiel's home. 

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting any special visitors…" Bobby said. Castiel just shook his head.

"It's perfect… looks like a home one would be glad to return to." He said. 

"Bobby! I'm back." Castiel heard a new voice. "And I found what just has to be the last goddamn pie in this town. Seriously I was in like three stores… Dean!" Castiel's eyes widened a little as he saw the giant man with the wide shoulders enter the living room. His long hair falling softly around his face.

"Heya Sammy." Dean said and stood up to pull his brother into a hug. Castiel stood up as well. 

"Hello, I'm Castiel." He said. 

"Dean's fiancé, I know. It's awesome to meet you. Dean told me so much!" Sam called and pulled Castiel into a tight hug which was somehow much more bone crushing than Dean's hugs. 

"We got engaged yesterday, Dean." Castiel said. Dean shrugged. 

"I kind of couldn't believe it so I called Sam on the drive here… he probably knows more about our relationship than is healthy." Dean said. Castiel looked up at Sam. 

"I sure know some things I would very much like to forget." Sam said, shivering a little. Castiel looked over at Dean, a little scared and insecure. Dean blushed crimson.

"I might have spent like ten minutes explaining in detail why you are a sex god… I was very drunk." Dean said and Castiel blushed with him.

"I must say, I understand it more now." Sam said. "You are incredibly beautiful." 

"Thank you… I guess." Castiel said and Sam chuckled.

"Talking about incredibly beautiful, where's Jess?" Dean asked. 

"She had to stay home and work on an important essay." Sam explained. "Jess is my girlfriend." He said as he noticed Castiel's confused face.

"Is that jealousy?" Dean asked, grinning at Castiel who reacted by hitting Dean's arm. 

"Like I have anything to worry about." Castiel said. Dean just continued to smile at him. "What?" Castiel asked. 

"I love you." Dean said and Castiel rolled his eyes, leaning closer to him to press a kiss to his lips. 

"I've never heard you say that." Sam said. Dean looked up at his brother. 

"Yeah you have. You just don't remember." Dean said. "You were only six months old. I said it to Mom." 

"Well it's nice to hear it again." Sam said. 

"I agree." Castiel threw in. Now it was Dean who rolled his eyes. 

 

"You're like a different person here." Castiel said as they were getting ready for bed. 

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked as he stepped out of his pants. 

"You're not holding anything back… I mean you are free. I have never seen you this relaxed." Castiel said. "You mentioned your mother without me having to bully you into it." 

"They're my family. They already know everything about me, well almost. There is nothing to hold back." Dean said. 

"Exactly." Castiel said.

"What are you trying to tell me?" Dean asked. Castiel walked over to Dean. 

"They know everything that you don't want to tell me because you think I'll love you less… or that I'll pity you or whatever. But they love you, unconditionally. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I can do that too?" Castiel asked. 

"Sam lived through all of it… and Bobby he's had a lot of shit to deal with." Dean said. "It took me a long time to tell him… and it didn't change anything but you're different." 

"So you think I'm weaker?" 

"Don't start a fight." Dean mumbled, putting his hands to Castiel's neck. 

"I'm not trying to start a fight. I want to know why you won't trust me with your past but are ready to promise me your future." Castiel said. Dean licked his lips and turned away, sitting down on the bed.

"My mother was beautiful." Dean started. "Her name was Mary and she was the kindest person I ever knew… she used to bake pie when I was upset… I guess I'm holding on to that. I was… wrecked when she died, when she was taken from me." Dean glanced up as Castiel sat down next to him. "It was arson. Me and Sammy barely got out… Dad never really got out of that fire. I can only imagine what losing the love of your life feels like." Dean said, taking Castiel's hand. "By the time I had turned five Dad was always drunk… and he was angry. He let the anger out on me. I was only able to keep him from hurting Sam." 

"I'm so-" 

"Don't." Dean said. "Someone alerted child services and we were given to one foster family after the other. We've had all kinds of families, from great parents who didn't want to keep us to bad parents who we finally got rid of." Dean swallowed. "I've been beaten, burned-" Dean took a deep breath. "Raped" He let go of Castiel's hand, turning away from him. "Starved and bullied. It was hell… and when we finally ended up here. I couldn't believe it. Bobby is great, he's better than every father I've had and he wished for kids for so long even before he lost his wife. He's the best family I could wish for. But he can't change that whenever I meet someone new and they tell me they care about me and want to help me… I can't trust people." Dean said and looked at Castiel, trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay. "I want to trust you, so much, Cas. I love you and I don't think I could survive losing you… and I'm good at taking hits." 

"I am so sorry I pushed you." Castiel said. "I can't presume to understand what you feel but I can accept it and I will show you that you can trust me, just like Bobby's shown you." Dean nodded and pulled Castiel into a hug. "Thank you for telling me all that." Castiel whispered into his ear, pressing Dean closer. 

"I never told Sam." Dean said. "About the-" He couldn't speak the word again. 

"Rape?" Castiel asked. Dean nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" Dean just continued to look at Castiel, tears running down his cheeks. 

"I don't know." He said. Castiel just pulled him against his chest, laying them down on the bed. 

"I'm here. Right here. If you need me to just hold you or to listen. I will do anything for you." Castiel promised. 

"I was- I was ten." Dean said. "We were in a family in Texas- it was the father. He used to come into my room at night. First he'd just watch me sleep or read or whatever I was doing… and then he made me do… other things, first to myself and then to him. I wish I could forget- I remember every second of it." Castiel pulled Dean closer. 

"No one can hurt you here." Castiel whispered into his ear. "That will never happen to you again." Dean nodded, burying his face in Castiel's chest. 

"Just please don't see me as weak." Dean mumbled. 

"Never." Castiel said. "If anything, you seem so much stronger to me. Even though that happened to you when you hadn't had the chance to experience the beauty of being with someone you love. It didn't destroy you… at least not for life. You enjoy sex and being intimate. I think that is incredibly brave of you." Dean looked up at him and then leaned in for a kiss, moving on top of Castiel. 

"I love you." Dean said. Castiel reached up to wipe away the tears from Dean's face. 

"You're beautiful, Dean. And I really want to kick in the teeth of everyone that ever hurt you." Castiel said. Dean chuckled and kissed Castiel again. 

"Thank you." Dean said honestly. 

"You're so very welcome." Castiel answered and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. "Come down here." 

 

"And here I thought I'd never see that again." Sam sighed. Dean grunted, looking up to see his brother standing in the doorway and covering his eyes. Dean raised a brow and looked down at their bodies, seeing that the covers had slid off his hips and he was lying there naked and out in the open. 

"Sorry." He said to Sam and pulled the covers over his side, making Castiel sigh and turn to him, curling into his chest. "What did you want?" Dean asked. 

"Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes so you might wanna get up and get dressed." Sam said. Dean nodded and started poking Castiel's side. 

 

"Home sweet home." Dean sighed as they entered their apartment for the first time in around half a month. 

"As much as I enjoyed being with our families, I have missed this couch." Castiel groaned, letting himself flop down onto the couch. 

"You were sleeping the entire ride back home!!" Dean called. "I was the one driving." 

"Then join me." Castiel mumbled into the cushion. Dean chuckled. 

"I think I'm gonna make coffee… you want some?"

"Yeah. Thanks, love." Castiel said, his words barely understandable through the sofa cushions. Dean just snorted and shook his head. By the time he finished coffee Castiel was snoring on the couch.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave comments or just give me a few more seconds of your lovely time to leave kudos if you liked it. They are very much appreciated and no comment will go unread!!!


End file.
